The
Eternal Nature of the Law of Chastity
by
Gene R. Cook
of the seventy
1989 – Ricks
College
Part of being a chaste
and holy and virtuous person is having faith in the Lord Jesus
Christ. To believe what He has told us about being that way; in
essence, to be like Christ is —pure, holy, and virtuous. I
bear testimony to all of you that it is worth it to be clean. It is
worth it to turn away from the world and worldly things and do those
things the Master has asked us to do. The blessing that will come is
peace of conscience. The peace that will settle upon you in being a
virtuous person, in my judgment, is payment enough. But there are
many, many other great promises the Lord has made to those who are
pure and holy before Him.
Let me direct your
attention, first of all, to the scriptures. I want to review what
the Lord has said about chastity and his view of that from the
scriptures as well as Satan’s plan and what he does to try to
thwart the Lord’s plan. And then I’ll center on some
specific things that young people, especially, and older people as
well, can do to be sure that they keep themselves pure and chaste
throughout their whole lives.
Let’s turn to D&C
131 and read the first four verses:
“
In
the celestial glory
there are three
heavens or degrees;
And in
order to obtain
the highest, a
man must enter
into this order
of the priesthood
[meaning the new
and everlasting covenant
of marriage];
And if
he does not,
he cannot obtain
it.
He may
enter into the
other, but that
is the end
of his kingdom;
he cannot have
an increase.”
Now, what the Lord is
telling us is that it isn’t good enough to just seek for the
celestial kingdom. We are to seek for the highest part in the
celestial kingdom—exaltation. And unless you are married for
time and all eternity, you will not have the great blessing that
accompanies the promise the Lord has given to us of being exalted
and thereby be able to have eternal increase—family. You would
not attain that to which God has attained.
Sometimes young people
say, “Elder Cook, why do the older people talk to us so much
about chastity?” It seems like there are a lot of talks about
that to younger people. And my response would be, “There’s
an awful lot at stake—like everything.” Have you ever
thought before that the ma in reason, the principle thing, that
distinguishes those who will be exalted in the top part of the
celestial kingdom from all of the others is that they will have the
blessing of being able to use the sexual powers that God has given
to men and women. No one else will and that’s a very
significant thing to me. I would be quick to remind you that
everything that is found in the passages in the revelations is
calculated to take you to the top part of the celestial kingdom and
nowhere else. They were written for that purpose. Sometimes I hear a
young person say, “Well, I’ll be thankful if I even make
the terrestrial kingdom.” Well, he doesn’t know what
he’s saying, does he? The passages, the church, the gospel,
are calculated to take you to exaltation in the celestial kingdom.
Now, sometimes when we
talk about that particular topic, some are a little uneasy and say
in their hearts, “But Elder Cook I’ve never been married
for time and all eternity. I’ve never had that opportunity.”
It is interesting to me that a number of the prophets have extended
a promise to the good sisters, especially, in the name of the Lord,
that if they remain unmarried in this life through no fault of their
own and will prove faithful, they will, in time, be married for time
and all eternity. They will not lose one single promise or one
single blessing they would have had otherwise had they had the
blessing of being married in this life.
That would be true for
the brethren, to some extent, but the brethren are in more of a
position to ask, to pursue, and to be the aggressors. If a man goes
through life and doesn’t seek out a bride and ask her to marry
him, he will have to face the consequences. That promise wouldn’t
apply to him if he had had opportunity to ask a young lady to be
married and chose not to do so, or if, in the light of day, he chose
to be married civilly and did not get married in the temple. I’m
thankful that the Lord will make those decisions. No man will be
able to judge that. The Lord Himself will make those judgments, and
you can be assured that they will be righteous judgments.
Now, again, the
distinguishing difference between those who attain the highest part
of celestial glory and all others is that they will be able to live
in a family life. They will be able to live as husband and wife. They
will be able to procreate and use those sexual powers that are
God-given.
Let’s look at some
interesting verses that come from D&C 132. Verses 16 and 17 talk
about those who do attain the celestial glory but not exaltation.
These have always been sobering verses to me.
“Therefore,
when they are
out of the
world they neither
marry nor are
given in marriage;
but are appointed
angels in heaven,
which angels are
ministering servants, to
minister for those
who are worthy of
a far more,
and an exceeding,
and an eternal
weight of glory.
In other words, you will
be an angel in heaven if you do not partake of the new and
everlasting covenant of marriage and will be a servant, as it were,
to those who did partake of that blessing of eternal marriage.
“For
these angels did not
abide my law;
therefore, they cannot
be enlarged, but
remain separately and
singly, without exaltation,
in their saved
condition, to all
eternity; and from
henceforth are not
gods, but are
angels of God
forever and ever.”
Having been a married man
for a number of years and having the blessing of having eight
children, I cannot imagine any punishment that would be any more
difficult than that. To be told that I would now be single through
all of the eternities, worlds without end, and never be able to
participate in the new and everlasting covenant of being eternally
married to a faithful sister would cause me great grief and pain.
There is no question that
the sexual desires that have been put into men and into women are of
God. They are the means for procreating. They are the means for
sustaining life upon the earth. They are the means for having
children. These powers are to be preserved in marriage. They are not
to be used out of marriage. They are only ordained to be used under
the marriage covenant.
I’ve always liked
this statement from the previous missionary lessons that says, “This
creative power necessarily
carries with it
strong desires and
urges. Strong, because
of the necessity
to persuade men
to accept the
responsibility of a
home and a family.”
And unlike the animal world where those urges come and go with
the seasons, as it were, that is not the case with men and women.
Those urges are strong and they are constant. And again, they are
meant to be controlled properly. They are meant to be harnessed and
controlled under the direction of the Spirit of the Lord so that they
are used the way the Lord decreed that they ought to be used right
from the foundations of the world. I repeat, one more time, if a man
will keep the law of chastity, the blessings that will come from
having so done will be of eternal benefit to him and to his family.
Let’s talk for just
a moment about Satan’s plan. If you were Satan and knew what he
knew from premortal life—that the whole plan of salvation
rested upon marriage, husband and wife being together and bearing
children in this world—would you not do your best to thwart
that? Have you thought of that before? Can you not imagine that Satan
would unleash all kinds of things to try to foul up that plan if he
could? Certainly he would. Let me suggest some of Satan’s plans
relative to this thought.
1.
Restrict or Keep
Spirits From
Coming from
the Premortal
Life.
If
you were Satan would you not do your very best to keep spirits from
coming from the premortal life? Wouldn’t that be a good move?
If you could somehow stop that, you would thwart the plan of God. How
does he keep children from coming from the premortal life?
a.
Birth control.
1) Convince
people to have no children.
There are certainly some husbands and wives around the world that
have bought that idea. If, as Satan, I couldn’t accomplish
that, then I would work upon men and governments the best I could to
limit the number of children. And there are countries where that is
the case. There is one nation, without specifically naming it, that
has a more. That is purely a doctrine of Satan.
2) Sterilization.
If Satan could get a male or female to be sterilized so they could
have no children, he could really thwart not only the general plan of
God in a sense, but the plan of God for that man or woman in large
measure. It is a very serious thin g.
b.
Abortion.
If by chance a couple
conceived a child, Satan might try to get them to abort it. Satan
could still win that way. Satan and his servants will try to plant in
the mind of a good sister or a good brother that that is a good thing
to do. And with continued evil influence, unfortunately there are
many, many who have done just that. I saw some statistics about two
years ago indicating that there were as many abortions in California
in one year as there were people living in the city of Oakland,
California. Just imagine that. And that’s not speaking
disrespectfully of California because that could be true of any of
the states and other countries. Satan has been most effective in
cleverly sowing the satanic doctrine of aborting little children
after they are finally conceived.
The after-effects of
abortion on a good woman many times destroys the woman herself, her
emotional stability and spirituality, and her closeness to God. I’ve
talked to a number of women who have gone through that and who have
had a very difficult time afterwards gaining control and stability of
self as a result of that experience.
Satan also tries his best
to have many of these children come to unwed mothers. With Satan’s
desire to really foul up the plan, if he cannot bring about an
abortion he will at least try to bring them into broken families.
That would give Satan a lot better chance to get a hold on them. He’s
pretty good at that and does his best to bring that about if he can.
2.
Misuse of Sexual
Powers.
If
the above attempts don’t work, then Satan has more tricks to
try. He will go after men and women and attempt to cause them to
misuse their sexual powers. Thus, he will try to destroy their
abilities to become gods, to be able to reach the celestial kingdom
and have future children through exaltation as we have discussed. If
Satan fails on the other alternatives, he will try to work on all of
us to cause us to misuse these sacred powers that the Lord has given
to us. And, be sure, he is a master at it.
Now, just one other
comment about Satan. Listen to these two verses from 2 Nephi 2:17,
18, and 27:
“And
I, Lehi, according
to the things
which I have
read, must needs
suppose that an
angel of God,
according to that
which is written,
had fallen from
heaven [meaning Satan];
wherefore, he became
a devil, having
sought that which
was evil before
God.
“And
because he had
fallen from heaven,
and had become
miserable forever, he
sought also the
misery of all
mankind....
“...
for he seeketh
that all men
might be miserable
like unto himself.”
My, that’s a
sobering statement. Jesus seeks nothing but the happiness of his
people. In great love, He will do anything to try to save us or
redeem us and help us. Satan’s motive is to make us miserable
like he is. Thus, if any one has an idea that he can play around with
Satan, even just a little bit, he is fooling himself. Satan is
powerful. He knows a lot. He has had thousands of years of experience
to tempt and try men and women much stronger than you are, and he has
won in many cases. Thus, I would say to all of you, especially you
young people, that you must be disciplined enough to not allow any
evil in your lives. Allow a little bit in, and you will shortly have
the rest.
Let’s become a
little more specific about how it is that Satan tries to get men to
misuse these sexual powers as well as some preventive types of things
that we can do to protect ourselves so that we would never stumble or
fall or break the law of either lead ultimately to one breaking the
law of chastity or that are related to chastity in part?
Responses
from the Audience
• The
things we see
on TV. TV can add a
lot of evil things. There are good things on television, too, but
many evil things come to us in that way.
• Pornography.
• Clothing.
Clothing and the way we dress or maybe don’t dress is
important.
• Speech.
The way we talk to one another, the language we use.
• Cultural
acceptance. Remember the quote about sin —that
first we abhor it, then we tolerate it, and then we finally embrace
it. And it seems to go in that pattern. If you start to tolerate it
and say, “Well, it’s not very good, but it’s okay,”
in a sense you’re already in phase two, and before long, that
which was really evil to you before is not so bad now.
• Couples
who choose to
live together
without being married.
• Masturbation.
• Music.
Music can adversely affect us.
• Peer
pressure. Peer pressure can surely impact us
and cause us to do some things we would otherwise not do.
• Self-gratification.
Selfishly seeking for what you want, the attitude of taking what you
want instead of seeking to benefit and help other people.
• No
goals. To be bored, to have no direction,
sometimes is just enough to get someone really involved in sin.
There’s the saying that “Idle hands are the devil’s
workshop.” I think there is a great truth in that and the
reason why the Lord would command us to work all the days of our
lives.
• Drug,
tobacco, and
alcohol abuse. All
of these things can ultimately lead to one breaking the law of
chastity.
Thank you for your
responses. In summary, let me note a few other serious sins that are
totally against the law of chastity:
• Abortion
• Fornication
• Adultery
• Homosexuality
• Lesbianism
All of these things are
serious sins. They are difficult for people to overcome if they get
involved in them. And again, they are directly opposed t o the law of
chastity in terms of one living a wholesome and pure life.
Now, if you were to
imagine all of these on some sort of scale, I’m sure that most
of you would be quick to realize that this last group are probably
the worst. Let me mention that some have tried to suggest that
homosexuality is not very serious, that it’s not as serious as
having sexual relations with the opposite sex. And of course, that is
not true at all. It’s at least that severe and probably more.
It’s a very, very serious sin.
Sometimes men are of a
nature to say something like, “Well, I’m not responsible
for these urges I have to break the commandments.” “The
devil made me do it.” Or, “I didn’t have control.”
They somehow try to not take personal responsibility for their own
sins.
Let’s look at 1
Corinthians 10:13:
“There
hath no temptation
taken you but
such as is common
to man: but
God is faithful, who
will not suffer you
to be tempted
above that ye
are able; but
will with the
temptation also make
a way to escape,
that ye may
be able to
bear it.”
What a great witness from
the Apostle Paul that you will never be tempted beyond what you can
handle. And if you’re a fairly weak person or a young person
without much of a testimony, Satan is controlled, my young friends,
that he cannot over-tempt you to a degree where you cannot handle it.
And thus you will always be responsible for your own sins. He will
tempt you up to your limit, I’m sure, but the Lord has him
constrained so that he can’t tempt you more than what you can
stand. You can’t ever blame it on the devil or on something
else because the Lord has that set in such a way that you can never
be overpowered with more than you can stand if you will abide the
promptings that will come. We have a great promise that when those
temptations come, the Lord will prepare a way for your escape—if
you will take it. And that is the key: I f you
will take it.
As we discuss some
stories through the rest of this talk, you will see that manifest
many times. Sometimes a young person will hear the prompting and save
himself. And other times, the person will hear the prompting but
ignore it and lose his virginity.
As a student at a
university in Arizona, I listened to a history professor teaching
about World War II. He was describing some battles, and in the
process of his description I learned a great lesson about chastity.
He described a battle camp. Camp A was fighting against Camp B, and
many soldiers were being killed on the front. And now a question: Do
generals usually go into those areas? No, they don’t. They are
back a ways. They stay back out of that so as not to be killed. They
are in what they call a command post, and in this command post are
typically found those immediately around the general who are planning
the battle. If you lose the command post, you may lose the battle,
and you could even lose the war.
The generals typically
create around the command post and the enemy what they call “lines
of defense” or perimeters of defense to protect the command
post from falling. Now, if one of those perimeters of defense
collapses in some way, there are really only two choices. One is to
quickly erect another command post for protection or, second, run the
other way. As the teacher explained this, the thought came to me,
“Well, isn’t that really what the law of chastity is?”
I think the Lord inspired me in this thought, “Gene Cook, in a
sense, you’re in your command post, your body.” I am in
my command post, and if I’m going to keep myself pure and holy,
my object is to erect some lines of defense, some rules. And if I’ll
obey those rules, I’ll always be pure and holy and chaste.
I desire to relate some
stories to you now, and I want you to know that each of these stories
is true. I learned the principle s that will be listed from a handful
of young people —and a few older people as well—who broke
the law of chastity. Fortunately, in the Church the great majority of
our young people —hundreds and hundreds of thousands—are
pure and holy and have kept this commandment. But, there are some who
have not believed, who have not obeyed, and who have broken the
commandment. Some of them have talked to me in private interviews and
have drenched my desk with their tears. They have said to me time and
time again, “Elder Cook, if you ever have a chance to talk to
the young people of the Church, please tell them this for me. Please
tell them how dumb I was not to have realized that by participating
in some “small thing” I ended up breaking the law of
chastity.” I would like to list thirteen lines of defense for
your protection that have come from some who know.
LINES
OF DEFENSE
1.
Never be 100% Alone.
This
has reference to not being out totally alone with someone of the
opposite sex. In my mind, you would want to be careful of anyone who
would like to get you out somewhere totally alone. Let me give this
analogy, and I’m going to use the names John and Mary in these
illustrations.
If John said to you,
Mary, “You know, I’ve been studying the stars lately and
have learned quite a bit. I’d like to drive you a little out of
Salt Lake tomorrow night about 11:30 or so and show you a few
things.” What are you going to say, Mary? “No,”
aren’t you?
What about a young man
bringing you home from a date who says, “Mary, it’s only
10:00. Your dad said you didn’t have to be in until 11:30. My
family is on vacation. Why don’t we just slip into my house and
watch TV for a little while?” What are you going to say, Mary?
You would tell him to take you home right now, wouldn’t you?
You might even say, “We have a TV at our house, too, John, and
my brother is at home.”
I’ve never known
anyone who broke the law of chastity who did not break this rule
number one. It is recommended that members of the Church not date
until at least age 16. The Church strongly recommends that you go out
in fours or sixes or eights, or as a group before your mission—not
just the two of you. It is recommended as well, for example, that you
not go steady with the same person prior to your mission.
Remember, be aware of
anyone who wants to get you alone somewhere, totally alone in the
dark in the car in some solitary area. In a situation like that, “red
flags” ought to go up. And when you see a red flag go up in
your mind, you could say, “You know, that’s one of the 13
lines of defense. No thanks.” And you’ll be able to back
away and protect your own virginity.
Now, a little later on,
perhaps when some of you have returned from your missions and are
dating more seriously, seeking for a partner, there will be times
when you will be out alone, just the two of you. But be very careful
because Satan will do his utmost to try to cause you to break this
sacred commandment.
You older folks, let’s
be sure that we not think these things apply just to the young
people. President Kimball used to like to tell a story that went
something like this. When he was a brand new member of the Twelve, he
was driving to work on a rainy morning. Not far from his home he saw
a very pretty, young, attractive secretary who was standing on the
corner waiting for the bus. In his graciousness he thought, “Well,
I ought to give this young lady a ride.” So he stopped, opened
the car door, and asked if she’d like to have a ride. And she
said, “Well, sure I would.” She jumped in and he took her
on to the Church Office Building. In those days the parking lot for
the brethren was right outside 47 East South Temple where General
Authorities, in their offices, could see the cars pull in.
President J. Reuben Clark
of the First Presidency just “happened” to be looking out
the window when President Kimball drove up with this pretty young
girl. Well, the young girl got out of the car and went on her way. Of
course nothing happened, but it still was not right. President
Kimball said something like, “When I got back to my office I
had a phone call from President Clark. I was excited and raced down
to his office thinking one of two things.” He said, “I’ll
bet they’re going to give me some new assignment here at
headquarters o r maybe a new assignment overseas or something.”
He was debating in his mind what President Clark might want to talk
about.
When he got to his
office, President Clark, being kind and careful in the way he
approached it, said something like, “My, Spencer, you have a
young wife,” and he proceeded to go the rounds a little bit.
Then he said, “Well, perhaps it was your daughter. It must have
been your daughter.” He pressed on a little bit and finally
President Kimball realized what he meant. President Clark said, “You
know, Elder Kimball, it isn’t a good idea to do that. I know
why you did it. Your motives were pure and right. I know that you
wanted to be of help to this young lady. But it isn’t right to
be alone with someone else. It isn’t right for the appearance
of things. Someone could fabricate something if they wanted to and
cause you, Elder Kimball, a lot of problems. Even though they would
have been lying, some might have believed. And thus, we have to avoid
the appearance of evil as well as evil itself.”
I would suggest to those
who are married that they would not want to be alone with someone
else of the opposite sex other than their own spouse. Brethren,
taking the Relief Society President home after a meeting would not be
appropriate, maybe just innocently taking your secretary to dinner.
Now, if you want to do something like that, make sure your wife is
with you. Or, if you’re going to go to lunch, make sure that
it’s done as a group. Be very careful because that is where
problems begin.
2.
Learn to Say
“No.” Plan
it out in
advance.
I
think it helps, as a young person especially, to think through what
you will say and do when you’re really tempted. What would you
do if one of your peers came up to you and said, “Aren’t
you going to smoke, even one time? Come on, you can try it once. Once
is not going to hurt you a bit.” Will you be able to handle the
peer pressure or will you cave in? You need to think that through
beforehand and even practice a response or two perhaps. “No. No
thanks. I don’t smoke. I’m surprised you do.” It
might not work today but when I was younger we used to say, “No
thanks. I don’t smoke cancer sticks. I’m not planning on
going to the other life so soon.”
What would you do, Mary
(speaking to the women), if John (a man) were trying to touch you in
an inappropriate way? You wouldn’t want to say, “John,
John, no” (in a whisper). It would be better to say, “John,
John, no!” (in a loud voice) smacking him a good one. And if
he’s a “good John,” he will be ever grateful that
in a weak moment you were strong when he was not. If he were not a
very “good John” and ever tried anything like that again,
I would drop him immediately, sisters. No man has a right to touch or
handle someone in an inappropriate way, and any appropriate touching
is reserved for the sacred relationship called marriage. Be careful
of someone who would try to suggest that that’s a part of love
or that it’s okay to do that outside of marriage. It is not
okay and it is against the law of chastity.
I hope this won’t
sound too odd to some of you, but I found a good practice that served
me well as a returned missionary. I was determined to find me a wife
and to find one rather quickly, and the Lord blessed me to be able to
do that. I determined that one of the principal characteristics would
be that she would want to be a spiritual woman, someone who really
had a powerful testimony, someone who was a clean, worthy, and
faithful Latter-day Saint. Also, she really had to have the spark for
me or I wouldn’t want to marry her. That’s a good part of
marriage, too. It’s not all just spiritual, the other is a good
piece of it, too.
I determined that the
best way to go about this process was to ask my date to pray with me.
So, the firs t time I took someone out, when we got to the car I
would say, “Would you mind if we have a word of prayer before
we go?” Most of the young ladies, all members of the Church,
thought, “Well, no. That would be all right.” And then
I’d either pray or ask her to pray. There were some who were
shocked and maybe a little embarrassed, and that, for me, was reason
enough to not keep dating those. It seems to me that if a young
couple prayed that the Lord would protect them and help them to have
an enjoyable time together, they would always be helped to do what is
right.
3.
If Necessary, Run.
Some
might way, “Well, that is too easy, Elder Cook. I already know
that.” But some time ago I had an interview with a young lady
who believed that but unfortunately did not do it. She told me that
she was making out with her boyfriend and they were doing more than
they ought to be doing. The prompting came from the Lord to stop
right then and leave. But in her heart she thought, “I’ll
just stay a little longer and convince him that we ought not be doing
this.” Unfortunately, she lost her virginity that evening
because she did not follow the prompting. She should have just run
and left, but maybe for embarrassment or some other reason, did not.
Think of our great,
great, great-grandfather Joseph in Egypt. He is a great example of
running when necessary. The Book of Genesis tells us that he was
tempted by Potipher’s wife. She tried to convince him to break
the law of chastity. He refused her and asked how he could offend
either her husband or his God. He was a great man of integrity. The
scriptures go on to tell us that he went into the house one time and
found her there alone. She took him by his clothing—and she had
to have been awfully close to him to grab his clothes. And the next
verse says simply that Joseph fled. He ran. I’ve often thought,
did Joseph stay to ask the golden question? Did he? Did he stop to
give her the lesson on the law of chastity? No, he ran.
Let me just say that if
you’re in a situation anywhere that is starting to heat up, and
you are being stirred sexually in a way you ought not be and you have
those promptings to get away, just run. Don’t stop to wonder
about it. Don’t worry about embarrassing somebody else or
yourself. Just get out of that situation immediately. Now, this is
true for married folks as well. If you find yourself in a difficult
situation, don’t stop to think about it. Remove yourself from
that situation immediately.
4.
A Little Bit
Will Not
Hurt.
I
believe this is one of Satan’s favorite sayings. A little bit
will hurt.
5.
Obey the Word
of Wisdom
100%.
I recall interviewing a
young priest who had been going out with some friends who were not
such a good influence on him. These young men smoked and t hey had
been working on this young man (we’ll call him John) to smoke.
He’d told them no many times, but he finally caved in and said,
“Well, I think a little bit won’t hurt. Just one.”
And he started smoking a bit. He went to the priests quorum one
Sunday morning and while several priests were sitting there one of
them began to sniff and said, “Aha, you’ve been smoking,
John.” John was terribly embarrassed and turned red-faced in
front of everybody. As he left the meeting that day he thought, What
shall I do? Do I continue to be friends with these priests or shall I
go off with my other friends? Unfortunately, he decided to go with
his other friends.
I met him six months
after that “little decision” to smoke one cigarette. He
had broken the laws relative to drinking alcohol and using drugs, and
had even broken the law of chastity two times when he finally went in
and confessed what he had done. He said to me through his tears,
“Elder Cook, all for a dumb cigarette. That’s what did it
to me. If I had just not done that...” I said, “What do
you mean?” He said, “Well, I didn’t realize that my
friends were doing a lot more than smoking. But then I found out that
they were drinking, too. Then I found they were doing other things
worse than that and before I knew it, I was ensnared in it.”
And then again, he said, “For one dumb cigarette.” That
was a very, very telling story, my friends.
In talking about videos,
some say, “Well, it just has one or two bad scenes.”
Remember, a little bit will hurt.
A filthy scene is very difficult to get out of your mind. It’s
garbage. The key is to not allow it in the first place.
I remember another
example of a young man who had resisted his friends who were on an
athletic team who had pressured him to drink. He had done well in
resisting them, but they continued to harp at him. He finally thought
(erroneously), “If I do it one time —go to a bar with
them and drink, I’ll get them off my back. At least they’ll
leave me alone and quit teasing me about being a Mormon.” And
so he believed that lie.
Now, if you want to get a
drink, where do you go? You don’t go to the church or to the
bishop’s house, do you? You go to a bar. And there are a lot
more things going on in a bar than just drinking, aren’t there?
There may be women who have more on their mind than just having a
drink. Well, this 18-year old didn’t think too much about that
and went in to have a drink with the boys. An hour or so later he
came out, an unchaste person.
Once again, having
appropriately confessed to his bishop and stake president, he then
wept in an interview with me. He sorrowed over the fact that he had
been ensnared by “one dumb drink.” He said, “Elder
Cook, if you ever have a chance to talk to young people, tell them
how dumb I was so they won’t fall into the same trap.”
And it all began with just “one” drink.
6.
Select Good Friends.
Now, an example about
good friends. An old saying when I was young was, “We don’t
drink, we don’t smoke, we don’t chew, and we don’t
go with girls that do.” In a way we were setting a standard for
what kind of a girl we wanted for a girlfriend. Pick those who have
your kind of standards.
Take a good look at your
friends—male and female. If they’re good and wholesome,
you’re fortunate, and you ought to keep them around and be
loyal and true to them. If they’re something less than that,
you would do well to seek for some other friends. Some say, “I’m
trying to help this nonmember even though he has all these bad vices
and that.” But remember, we have a program for that called
“missionary work.” Send the missionaries to him. We’ve
lost many a young woman who has gone forward, in the name of
missionary work, with the idea that she would date this young man and
finally save him. We also have members now in the Church who became
members, thanks to their spouses. That does happen on occasion. But
we know of many, many more examples where it has not happened that
way. My counsel, then, is if you have someone you really care about
and want to see them join the Church, send the missionaries to him or
work with them in a group, but not one on one.
One last reflection. As I
think back to my youth, I was surely blessed to have some good young
friends. There were two young men and one young woman t hat were very
close to me. I can’t think of a single instance where any of
them ever suggested that we go do something evil or wrong. They were
just good young people. I see them now as adults with their spouses
and children and they are faithful and strong. I’m not
surprised by that. I knew them when they were young and that is how
they were then. Again, be careful who your friends are. There is a
strong tendency to marry those with whom you associate, i.e., your
group of friends. And that could be good or it could be bad,
depending on who your friends are.
7.
Avoid Pornography
100%.
Pornography, in my
judgment, is a disease. It is an addiction. Someone who gets started
in it —looking at dirty movies, reading dirty books or
magazines, listening t o or telling filthy jokes —can become
very quickly addicted to it. It is very difficult to stop doing it if
you once get started. For some reason this seems to be a temptation,
an affliction more for the young men than it is for the young women,
although it can affect both.
I would counsel you young
men, especially, to be very careful. Don’t get started. What it
does is incite in you a desire to see more, have more, do more. And
if you persist in it, I can promise you that you will end up acting
out your desires in time.
I am not surprised that
President Benson would counsel us, as members of the Church, to avoid
X-rated movies and even R-rated movies. Yet there are still many who
are going to R-rated movies. I guess they have not really believed
the President of the Church, and that is risky business. To me, some
of the PG and PG-13 movies are even questionable.
I have had some adults
say to me, “Well, I’m an adult. I can see an R-rated
movie. Of course I don’t let my children see them, but I do.”
The scriptures tell us to become like little children, and we ought
not go where we can’t take our children. If it’s not good
enough for your children, it’s not good enough for you. We
ought not have double standards. There is one standard and it’s
the Lord’s standard and we ought to abide by it whether we’re
old or young.
Pornography can be found
in magazines, novels, dance halls, some kinds of music, and even over
the telephone. The best counsel I can give you is to just not be
involved in any of these evil things. We want to be clean and pure
and holy. Leave pornography alone, 100% alone.
8.
Avoid Impure or
Intimate Language
100%.
I think of another young
man (we’ll also call him John) who confessed that he had broken
the law of chastity. I asked, “Where did it begin, John? How
did all of this start?” His answer was, “It began, in my
case, with some dirty stories. Some boys told me these dirty stories
and they were sensual and sexual in nature. It was rather exciting
for a young boy. I heard them and then thought them through over and
over. I began sharing them with some of my other male friends.”
And then he said, “I began sharing them with some girls. In the
beginning they were embarrassed and some were offended. Then I began
going with some girls who laughed and weren’t embarrassed and
that was my mistake.”
Now, some adults have
said that there are “adult jokes.” There may be some that
are funny jokes about married couples that maybe children wouldn’t
understand—assuming they’re clean and wholesome and
right. But again, there is one standard. If it’s not wholesome
enough for our children’s ears, then it’s surely not
wholesome enough for our ears, as adults.
9.
Avoid Natural Man
Tendencies.
Sometimes we entertain
improper urges that come and thus they lead up to one breaking the
commandments. We need to recognize these “tendencies” and
realize that Satan is behind them. Let’s read from 2 Nephi
28:20-23:
“For
behold, at that
day [today, Satan]
shall ... rage
in the hearts
of the children
of men, and stir
them up to
anger against that
which is good.
“And
others will he
pacify, and lull
them away into
carnal security, that
they will say: All
is well in
Zion; yea, Zion
prospereth, all is
well—and thus the
devil cheateth their souls,
and leadeth them
away carefully down
to hell.
“And
behold, others he
flattereth away, and
telleth them there
is no hell;
and he saith unto
them: I am no
devil, for there
is none—
And listen carefully to
this:
“and
thus he whispereth
in their ears,
until he grasps
them with his
awful chains, from whence
there is no
deliverance.
“Yea,
they are grasped
with death, and
hell ...”
Satan speaks to us by
whispering in our ears. The real you is the spirit
inside of your body, and if Satan is going to communicate with
you, one of the ways he does it is through your feelings and
thoughts. He can whisper into someone’s mind and say, “Psst,
John, look at that. That looks like a real good movie. Look at that
video case.” And then he plants a thought or two that it would
be okay, no one would ever know. We have all had times when we’ve
had a really evil feeling or thought come to us. It just seems to
come out of nowhere. I personally believe that Satan himself puts
those feelings and thoughts into our minds to try to get us to
respond to evil. If you turn that evil thought away immediately, he
will not have power over you. But if you say, “Well, let me
think about that for a minute,” and offer a chair, so as to
speak to that thought and invite it to stay, Satan will be on the way
to a victory.
Let me try to describe
briefly some natural man tendencies, and I’ll do it from the
point of view of a man trying to affect a woman. You know that there
are ways—through innuendos—for a man to communicate
things to a woman. For example, the way he might look at you. He
could look at you in such a way that instead of seeing a sister in
the gospel or a good friend, he might see something else. A good
woman would probably normally be able to recognize that kind of look
rather quickly. A lot can be communicated by your eyes as you look at
someone.
Another way to affect
someone would be through using words with double meanings, words that
would cause someone not to know for sure what you mean. That would
perhaps be a tricky way of taking the “temperature” of a
woman to see where she was at. These kinds of things are going on
constantly in the world and we need to be aware of them and avoid
them as they are natural man tendencies.
One could perhaps twist
something innocent into something else—maybe turn it to his own
advantage and for his own purposes. Sometimes things are
inappropriately said in notes, something that is full of innuendos,
or just a lovey-dovey type note to someone who is not your wife. It
can be d one in a joking or kidding way, but it could be
misunderstood and you will, if you participate in that kind of an
activity, be playing with fire.
Inappropriate body
movement and getting too close to a person physically could
definitely convey some things, couldn’t it? Even something as
simple as a handshake. It could be a polite and quick handshake
between a man and a woman, or it could be a lingering one. President
Kimball used to say that a good man and a good woman would want to
lovingly greet each other with a handshake and nothing more. He used
to teach the idea that a priesthood leader or a good man would not
want to put his arm around someone else’s wife and tell her
what a wonderful woman she is, that it’s much better to just
shake hands with her. Again, inappropriate body contact can cause
things to start to happen, and thus you want to be very, very careful
of that.
Some young people have
gotten into some bad habits of giving and receiving back-rubs.
Believe me, that is totally inappropriate. A young man might say,
“Boy, I’ve got such a sore back. I was out shoveling snow
all day and I’m so sore up here on my right shoulder. Do you
think you could kind of work on it a little bit?” With that you
have crossed the line. It’s a danger signal because you don’t
have a right to touch any other person, basically, except shaking
their hand or loving them the way you might your own sister. Be very
careful because body contact can convey some things that ought not be
conveyed.
Let me make another
comment about the eyes, about taking inappropriate second glances.
Sometimes a person will see something inappropriate and instead of
turning away will try to get a second look. And that is allowing the
natural man to take command. I’ve loved the statement that says
that a true servant of the Lord, in an immodest moment for someone
else, will cast his eyes down or away.
Now just another reminder
for some who are older. You may at times be placed into circumstances
in Church callings, for instance, where males and females work
together very closely. Or even a supervisor and secretary situation
when you’re with your secretary much more than you are with
your own wife. In those kinds of situations, one must be very
circumspect, much more than you might normally be, because of the
time you spend together.
I’ve interviewed a
number of married men over the years who began to talk intimately
with their secretaries, who shared too much. They told of their
personal problems or listened to theirs. These kinds of intimate
talks can lead to something inappropriate.
Watch for the warning
signals as they will come. Warning signals will come when something
is wrong. The Lord can and will alert us if we let Him. We ought to
be willing to be transparent so people can see the whole of our
lives. If there is something we’re covering up, then that is
something that needs to go. We ought to be the same person at work or
school as we are at church. There may be a time when you get into a
situation quite innocently, but you will still be alerted. The key
is, get out as soon as that prompting comes. If you’ll do that,
the Lord will bless you. And if you try to play around with it in the
least, it is very likely that you will be burned.
May I caution you to also
be careful with inappropriate compliments —either given or
received. Satan knows when you’re vulnerable to that sort of
thing. He seems to know our weaknesses and he watches for moments
when he could have an impact on us. Satan has been around a long time
and he knows all the tricks.
The Lord has told us very
simply and clearly:
“Thou
shalt love thy
wife with all
thy heart, and
shalt cleave unto
her and none
else.”
That’s pretty
strong language. We are not to love our spouses with only part of our
heart but with all of it.
10.
Select Wholesome
Music.
Sometimes young people
have a feeling that the music they listen to doesn’t have
anything to do with chastity. And yet, as I’ve had opportunity
to interview many youth in varying countries throughout the world,
I’ve found that is just not so. I believe, without any doubt,
that there is music of the Lord. I also believe there is good music
that men have created—some romantic music, maybe some good
cowboy music, and just plain fun songs, etc. Those can be okay. They
can cheer you up and they’re fun to be involved with. It ought
not surprise us that the devil has his own music as well. That kind
of music is found throughout the world and has a great impact upon
young people especially.
Let me try to bring this
principle alive by relating a true story that happened with an
individual of whom you probably have heard. How many of you have
heard of Mick Jagger? I think almost everyone has as he is one of the
most famous rock stars in the world. Well, you might be surprised to
know that I had about 2-1/2 hours with him on an airplane and it was
quite an experience. I’m going to relate part of that to you to
try to illustrate this important point about selecting wholesome
music.
Mr. Jagger and I were on
a flight that originated in Mexico and were headed, I believe, to
either Houston or Dallas. As I sat down in the plane, the seat next
to me was empty. Later a man came and sat down by me. I noticed
immediately that he was reading a rock magazine. I offered d a silent
prayer as I often do when I try to talk to people about the Church. I
prayed that the Lord would inspire me in what to say as I talked to
this man. After the prayer, I said something like, “My name is
Gene Cook, I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. What’s your name?” And he said, “My
name is Mick Jagger.” Not realizing then who he was I said,
“Well, I’m glad to meet you, Mick.” And then he
said, “I said my name is Mick Jagger.” I said, “I
heard you, Mick.” And then he opened up the magazine and
pointed to his picture and said, “This is me.” Of course,
then I finally realized who he was. I just hadn’t ever thought
about sitting next to him, but it was so.
What I’m going to
say is, in no way, speaking evil of Mick Jagger himself. Please
understand that. I’m not speaking evil of the man, but I am of
what he represents because it is wrong. It is of the devil himself,
in my opinion.
Even before I knew who
Mick was, I noticed that his pant leg was pulled up a little on his
calf. As I looked at his leg I thought for some reason, “This
fellow looks a little sick.” I’m not sure why, but that
caught my attention before I even knew who he was.
After we visited back and
forth a minute or two about what we were d doing and all, I finally
said something like, “You know, Mick, I have a question for you
that I’d like you to answer for me.” He said, “Well,
I’ll be glad to try.” Then I said to him, “I have
opportunity to be with young people in many different places around
the world, and some of them have told me that the kind of music you
and others like you sing has no effect on them, that it’s okay,
and that it doesn’t affect them adversely in any way. Then
other young people have told me very honestly that your kin d of
music has a real effect on them for evil and that it affects them in
a very bad way. You’ve been in this business for a long time,
Mick. I’d like to know your opinion. What do you think is the
impact of your music on the young people?”
This is a direct quote,
brothers and sisters. He said, “Our music is calculated to
drive the kids to sex.” Those were his exact words. I’m
sure I had a real look of shock on my face in receiving such a bold
response. He quickly added, “Well, it’s not my fault what
they do. That’s up to them. I’m just making a lot of
money.”
Then he told me he’d
been in Mexico making a video because he could make it for about
one-third of what it would cost in the United States. He told me this
was a great day for them because now instead of just having audio
where they could portray some of what they wanted to about sex and
all, they now had videos and could have the people both hear it and
see it portrayed. He said this would have much more impact on the
youth, that his music was selling much more, and thus he was making
much more money.
As I said, we talked for
a couple of hours. Let me just share a few things that happened
because it teaches the importance of what we are discussing with
respect to music. As we chatted, I told him that I was married and
had eight children. He told me that he was not married but that he
had three children and was proud of it. He told me that he had one
woman pregnant in Virginia, one in New York, and one in England, as I
recall. He told me that it didn’t matter what you did in life,
that you could take whatever you wanted, and that you could do
whatever you wanted. He said there were no commandments, there was no
God, and nothing really mattered. He indicated there was no judgment
day and that you could just do whatever you felt like doing.
Whatever I told him in our discussion was white he said was black.
And whatever he said was white I told him was black.
He indicated that he had
had the missionary lessons. In the beginning I didn’t believe
that, but as we talked further I think he probably had. He told me he
had had two or three lessons, and I think that was probably true
because of some of his responses to me. According to him, he had been
taught by missionaries in England.
He said, “As I
listen to you Mormons, your problem is that you think you have all
things figured out. Life isn’t that simple.” Then he
would go on and explain some complex things, some theory of man. I
would answer him in a very simple way from the scriptures, and he
would say, “See what I mean?” He was always trying to
make things much more complex than they really were.
Our conversation
continued. He told me he believed in evolution and that he also
believed he had descended from a monkey. I told him, with a smile,
“That might be the only thing you’re right about.”
We pursued the idea of evolution and the fact that if one is going to
subscribe to the philosophy that he did, then he’d have to
believe there was no God and that he must have evolved. And if there
is no God, there are no commandments. There are no rules, and thus
you can do whatever you want. He told me the importance, in his view,
of freeing up the youth. He felt that they ought to be able to do
whatever they wanted in spite of their parents. He said that parents
were inhibiting them too much and controlling things and they ought
not be doing that. It was truly astounding to me. He told me he was
thankful the family, as an entity, was being destroyed. And I
gathered from what h e was saying that he was doing his best to help
that along.
I’ve only been mad
at two investigators in my life where I kind of got upset, and he was
one of them. As we proceeded in the discussion, he probably had four
or five alcoholic drinks. As you kn ow, when one does that he tends
to be a little looser in the way he talks and thinks. Finally, in a
rather loud voice towards the end of our discussion, he said
something like, “Furthermore, about your Book of Mormon—your
Book of Mormon is a lie, and any man that believes it is a liar.”
He said it in such a way that most people nearby could hear it. That
really did upset me. I thought to myself, here’s a man who is
representing evil and trying to announce it now to the whole cabin to
try to make them feel that the Book of Mormon is not true.”
I then felt impressed to
say something like, “Well, Mick, you’re mighty fortunate
today. Mighty fortunate.” He said, “What are you talking
about?” And I said, “Because you’re sitting next to
a servant of the Lord who plans on correcting what you just said.”
He then said, “What do you mean?” I said, “Well,
you’re really lucky. I just happen to have a Book of Mormon
right here in my briefcase,” and I pulled out a Book of Mormon
and put it on his lap. I told him something to this effect, “Mick,
this book has changed my life. I love the Book of Mormon. And I have
read it many, many times. It is the greatest book, in my mind, on the
face of the earth. In my view it has changed me, it has made me a
better man. You say it’s a lie. I must have missed that part.
Show me.”
My young friends, there
was just total, dead silence. He didn’t say a word. I finally
said, “Well, maybe you were offended by the part where Lehi
told his sons to be honest men or where he taught them to rely upon
the Lord and have faith in God. Maybe you were offended when Alma
told his boy, Coriantumr, that he had broken the law of chastity and
then told him what he had to do to correct it. Maybe that offended
you. Or maybe it was the part when Christ came to America that really
bothered you when he said that one is to love his wife with all his
heart and not commit adultery. Maybe that offended you.” I
carried on a little bit with him that way, and, of course, again he
said nothing. I finally said, “Well, if you can’t show me
a chapter, then at least show me a page, or maybe a paragraph will
do. That would be all right. Just show me one paragraph.” And
again, brothers and sisters, dead silence. I finally said, “Well,
then how about a line, or one word.”
I finally bore my
testimony to him and said something like, “My friend, the lie
is not in the Book of Mormon. The lie is in you. And I bear witness
to you in the name of the Lord that if you don’t turn your life
around, you’ll be going to hell. The devil himself will come
and get hold of you.” I bore my testimony to him as strongly as
I could about what he was doing, that it was not right, and that it
was not according to the Lord’s plan.
I felt very emotionally
involved when I b ore my testimony because I thought to myself, “Here
I am going about the earth trying to strengthen young people, trying
to make them better, strengthen them, and turn them to the Lord. And
men like this are coming around right behind me trying to tear it all
down, destroying the family, and destroying their reliance upon God.
I bore a very fervent testimony to him and told him that I would be a
witness that I had at least given him “the word.” Well,
he calmed down quite a bit in that encounter and didn’t say any
more. That at least quieted him down so he didn’t continue in
the vein he was in.
Just before our couple of
hours together concluded he said, “Oh, now I remember something
about your Book of Mormon” (referring to my challenge to him to
show me something that was out of order). He said, “Well, here
it is. It’s the part about Brigham Young.” Then I
informed him that Brigham Young was not mentioned in the Book of
Mormon one time. My response kind of took him back. We talked the
last five to ten minutes in a more general way and then finally bid
each other farewell and split up.
As I arrived home from
that trip and shared the experience with my family, I was very moved,
as you would have been. I was mostly moved by the spirit of what I
felt. It was the Spirit of the Lord that bore witness to me of the
evil nature of that kind of music and the impact it has on people. In
our Family Home Evening that night, we made a commitment, as a
family, that we would never, ever allow any of that kind of music in
our home. Not ever! We had a great spiritual experience together
where we felt the Spirit and committed to that decision.
Now, as those years have
gone by since I visited with him on the plane, I’m pleased to
say that that kind of music has never been in our home and I think
never will be as a result of that experience. I share it with you to
impress upon your minds that there is music of the Lord and there is
music of the devil. I would be mighty, mighty careful with the music
you listen to. The Church isn’t ever going to publish a list of
approved songs and say, “Here are 146 that you can listen to
and 246 that you can’t.” You’ll have to choose,
won’t you? Use your conscience. Use the Spirit of the Lord and
have enough sense to make those judgments correctly and don’t
listen to that kind of music.
Just one other comment. A
few days after I arrived home, my wife and I were up late on a Friday
evening. I turned the television on, or maybe we looked in the paper,
and saw that there was going to be a Mick Jagger special on that
night. Well, I’d never even watched anything like that before
and I thought, well, let’s see what it’s like. So we sat
up for an hour or so and watched his show. I was really taken back.
Not so much by what I saw, as I expected that, but by all the
innuendos sown in the lyrics of which a young person might not be
very aware. Lyrics like, “Do what you want. No one can tell you
what to do. You’re your own man. Take what you want. Pick what
you want.” It was the same stuff I’d heard on the
airplane for two hours —there were no rules in it, no God in
it, no “what’s right” in it. It was, you do
whatever you want to do. You’re free, you can take what you
want, do what you want.
I was very much taken
back by how t hose thoughts had been sown very subtly in all that
music. Many young people would not realize how those thoughts are
sown in. However, after listening to that music time after time, one
can begin to parrot that kind of philosophy and those inward feelings
to their parents and thus not be as obedient as they ought to be. I
bear testimony to you, again, that good music can have a great impact
on you and evil music surely is of the devil.
Think of the great
contrast in the lyrics, “I am a child of God and He has sent me
here, has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear. Lead
me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that
I must do, to live with Him some day.” What a dramatic
difference. That hymn would lead you to think of the Lord, wouldn’t
it? It would humble you in your heart. It would lead you to be
obedient to your parents. Look at the different impact that would
have.
What if you sang a song
like, “Oh my Father, thou that dwellest in the high and
glorious place, when shall I regain thy presence and again behold thy
face? …” (Hymns, No. 292). What if you had
that in your repertoire, as it were, of what you sang, of what you
thought, of what you listened to. What a difference! Little Primary
songs like, “Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too,
when your heart is filled with love, others will love you.”
Very simple, isn’t it? One of my favorite ones is an easy one,
a simple one. “Oh Father look on us today and bless us with thy
love. In Jesus’ name we humbly pray, O Father up above.”
So simple, isn’t it? I have sung that song to myself many times
as I have wandered around alone in airports or other places to keep
my mind focused on good, worthy things.
Think of the impact on
you or your children in singing over and over, “I love to see
the temple, I’m going there some day, to feel the Holy Spirit,
to listen and to pray. For the temple is a house of God, a place of
love and beauty. I’ll prepare myself while I am young. This is
my sacred duty.” Wouldn’t that have a great impact? It
would, and one day your children would end up
in the temple. If the music is of this other kind, they may end up
somewhere else.
11.
Be 100% Modest.
This
is surely a key point in maintaining one’s chastity. Adam and
Eve, in the beginning, were told to dress themselves and properly
cover up their bodies. Their bodies were “the temple of God.”
Their bodies were not to be shown to just anyone but were to be
reserved for their mate in the sanctity of marriage. I think it is
very significant that the devil would work on that in today’s
world. He knows those rules, and he will do his best to try to get us
to inappropriately show off our bodies. I think a good example for
all of us to hold up before us is a good man or woman who has been to
the temple. Dress like they dress and you’ll be safe.
Sisters, you would not
want to have a really low neckline of any kind. You would not want to
have a high skirt line that showed off more than it should from the
knee and above. You also would not want to have a slit in your skirt,
for example, to show off a little bit more of your thigh. Would the
Lord ever inspire a good sister to do that? Of course He would not.
Again, you would not wear transparent blouses or clothing that was
too tightly fitted. Satan is the one who would inspire this kind of
behavior.
I talked to a young woman
some years ago (I’ll call her Mary). She said, “Elder
Cook, by the time I reached the age of 19 I had never had a date.”
(She was a reasonably attractive girl, but for some reason no one had
ever asked her out.) She was broken-hearted about it and felt she
would do anything to go on a date. Unfortunately one of her so-
called “friends” said, “Your problem, Mary, is that
you don’t know how to dress. Let me teach you.” Mary
listened to her and was taught how to expose a little bit more here
and a little bit more there, and sure enough, it had an effect on the
boys. The boys who were attracted were not those who could be good
husbands. They were interested in a lot more than just “seeing”
an immodestly dressed girl. In her own words, “It all started
when I began to dress immodestly.” Later she ended up breaking
the law of chastity.
Satan doesn’t
usually start out trying to get us on some big issue. He starts out
on little items and just tries to get us to be a little more worldly
than we ought to be. Some of those things might be the following:
• Jewelry - we ought
not overdo jewelry.
• Makeup - we ought
not overdo makeup.
• Hair - hairstyles
ought not be extreme and men ought to be careful with their hair
length.
The Lord’s way is
to be temperate, to be moderate. A warning signal that one might be
stepping over the line a little is when he feels he has to have the
best and latest fashion. That is trying to be more worldly than we
ought to be. Be very careful with that.
A few years ago I had the
opportunity to interview some young women who were determined to be
dressing immodestly. That was not a very comfortable assignment for
me. Their employer thought they should be dressing more modestly.
They had been talked to privately by their supervisors but had pretty
much rejected that counsel, and thus they were sent to talk to me
about it. Even though it was a difficult assignment I learned
something important. Not one of those young women thought
she was being immodest. It raised a thought in my mind then that
there really is a difference between what men perceive and what women
perceive. Women are not nearly as affected by some of that as men
are, and women think men think and feel like they do—and they
don’t.
The best counsel is to
just be sure we appropriately cover our body such that we are not
exhibiting anything more than we ought to be. There
ought never be
anything a bout
you that comes
over more strongly
than the real
you.
These two passages say it
best:
“If
there is anything
virtuous, lovely, or
of good report
or praiseworthy, we
seek after these
things” (Article of
Faith 13).
“And
ye must practice
virtue and holiness
before me continually.
Even so. Amen.”
(D&C 46:33.)
12.
Avoid Petting 100%.
And
that means to avoid touching or stimulating another person, including
yourself, in an inappropriate or sexual way. That is really out of
order. You might imagine yourself sitting on a stack of dynamite with
all the fuses straight up and you ask me to toss you a torch. Now
that would not be very good sense. Petting is just like that. It’s
dynamite. Any young man that would try to convince a young woman that
petting is an appropriate way of showing her love for him speaks a
lie. If he really loved that young woman, he would want her to be
pure and holy and chaste. He would not try to get her to degrade
herself by participating in something like petting.
After a discussion like
this some years ago, a young man caught me alone and said, “Elder
Cook, it sounds to me like I shouldn’t even be kissing my
girlfriend. You’re pretty strict.” I knew this young man
and I knew he was french kissing his girlfriend and overdoing it. I
said something like, “Well, that’s not a bad idea—to
not kiss your girlfriend.” He was taken back and said, “Kissing
doesn’t affect me at all.” Well, I certainly didn’t
believe that. I said, “Do you have any blood?” He said,
“Yes.” “Then it affects you,” I said. He
countered, “No, it really doesn’t. It doesn’t
affect me.” I said, “Well then, try this.” (I told
him something I had learned from Elder S. Dilworth Young.) I said,
“When you take your girlfriend home tonight, why don’t
you just shake hands with her at the door and then kiss the post in
front of her house.” Well, this young man then said, “Well,
I guess there is a difference.” Of course there is a
difference. Be very careful in your affections and reserve them for
the one with whom you will kneel at the altar in the House of the
Lord.
The principle, then, is
that no one of us has a right to sexually stimulate any other person,
including ourselves, except it is our own spouse.
I recall the case of a
young man who was really tempted, severely tempted, by a woman who
was somewhat older— a divorcee who had a fairly poor
reputation. I’m not sure if this young man knew that or not,
but he was severely tempted by her. One night he sneaked away from
his house with this thought, “I’ll just go pay her a
visit. I mean nothing. I’m not planning on anything, but I’ll
just pay her a visit.” He indicated that as he started to leave
the house, he had a strong impression from the Lord telling him to go
back home. He said, “I knew in my heart what I should do, but I
continued on to her house. Before I got there, the impression came
again to turn back. But unfortunately, I did not heed it.” Then
he said, Within maybe 40 or 50 paces of her house, right during a
light rainstorm, a lightening bolt came down and struck a tree not
more than a hundred feet from where I was walking.” He
continued, “I don’t know if that was by chance or
something else, but I took it to be a signal.” And then this
young man turned around and went back to his own home.
Later this woman he had
been planning to visit ended up being the cause of another young man
being excommunicated from the Church. I am certain, without any
doubt, that had that young man proceeded to that woman’s house,
he would have lost his virginity that night. We don’t all have
a lightening bolt come down and scare us into doing what’s
right, but promptings are real and they will come if we will heed
them. If we do so, we will be protected.
Look at your hands for a
moment, face up so that you can see your palms. Let this question
pass through your minds: Where have these hands been? If, as a young
man, you could say they have been passing the sacrament, or blessing
the sacrament, or lifting up a sister when she fell down and hurt her
knee, you could feel at peace in your heart. If you, as a sister,
changed a diaper, cooked a meal, or read the scriptures, you, too,
could feel at peace in your heart. If, however, you had to respond
some other way, in a way that would cause embarrassment, remorse, and
repentance, then perhaps you need to clean up your lives and be sure
a peaceful feeling could again be in your hearts as you look at your
hands.
13.
Control Your
Thoughts.
We
have learned, as human beings, that thoughts turn to acts and acts
turn to habits.
And habits will determine
your ultimate destiny—either for good or for evil. Good
thoughts will lead to good acts and good habits, and bad thoughts
will lead to bad acts and bad habits. It seems to all begin in our
minds.
I put this number 13,
“control your thoughts,” as our last line of defense as
it holds up all the rest. It seems to be the foundation for what
happens in your life. If you can control your mind and your thoughts,
you will not have much problem with other things.
Let me list three
suggestions about how to help control your thoughts.
a.
Pray.
When
temptations and evil emotions or feelings come upon you, pray with
all your heart that the Lord will remove them from you. I am
convinced that if you will humbly pray, the Lord will give you a new
heart. He will give you new feelings that will help to chase away
those evil feelings that were probably planted by Satan himself. None
of us are protected from evil thoughts and they come to all of us. It
is a matter of whether we chase them away or not. President Lee, as
President of the Church, was asked if the devil ever bothered him.
His answer was, “He is at my heels continually.” I was
impressed that the devil was trying to get at President Lee, but even
more so where h e was at—at his heels!
b.
Read the scriptures/quote the
scriptures.
Memorize a passage or two
of your favorite scriptures and say them out loud if you can when you
are being tempted, and you will chase away the evil thought. In the
three temptations that Christ suffered, his answer three times in a
row was via a scripture. He handled Satan by quoting scripture.
c.
Sing hymns.
When
a bad thought or evil feeling comes, have a hymn or two memorized
that can bring the Spirit of the Lord. Sing it out loud if you can.
If you can’t do it out loud because you’re in a public
situation, then, as taught one time by Elder Boyd K. Packer, give a
nod to the conductor in your mind and start off the orchestra. If the
thought persists, have the conductor turn up t he volume a little bit
so the orchestra drowns out the evil thought.
How about singing, “How
great the wisdom and the love, that fills the courts on high…”
or some of you favorites? It would be very difficult to pursue some
evil intention or evil thought if you were to sing a hymn like that
because it will bring the Spirit of the Lord. Sing in the shower or
on the way to work or school. Get used to singing good, uplifting
songs.
CONCLUSION
Let me conclude with a
couple of thoughts. You may know someone who has already broken the
law of chastity—in part or all—and the best counsel I
could give to that person is that they ought to humbly confess to the
Lord what they have done and immediately see their bishop or branch
president and confess to him as well. Some people think if they just
pray away something like this in their bedroom, then that’s
good enough. That is not so. The Lord has set up the procedure that
we must go face to face and talk in confidence with our bishop or
branch president. No one would need know it but you and him and the
Lord. That is the way to become clean. These good bishops are
talented, they know what to do, and they can help you put into place
a plan so that you can become clean once again.
I love this passage in
D&C 58:42-43:
“Behold,
he who has
repented of his
sins, the same
is forgiven, and
I, the Lord,
remember them no
more. “By this
ye may know
if a man repenteth
of his sins—behold,
he will confess
them and forsake
them.”
Again, the counsel that
if you or anyone you know has had a problem, get them to their
bishop. And then, thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ, that “though
your sins be
as scarlet, they
shall be as
white as snow”
(Isa. 1:18). That is a great blessing. If we’ve stumbled a
bit along the way, there is a way to become clean and fit to enter
into the celestial kingdom.
I have always liked the
statement, “If my heart is pure, I then have the strength of
ten.”
Let me review some
passages that have always meant a lot to me since I was a young man:
“...
Be ye clean
that bear the
vessels of the
Lord” (3 Nephi 20:41).
I bear witness to the
fact that if we will persist in our desire to be clean, pure, and
holy before the Lord, sin will gradually begin to lose its
attractiveness. Sin was designed to be attractive to men. What a
great promise that if we will continue faithful, sin will begin to
lose its attractiveness to us. Thus you will really become as God is
with no desire whatsoever to do wrong.
“And
they all cried
with one voice,
saying: Yea, w
e believe all
the words which
thou hast spoken
unto us; and also,
we know of
their surety and
truth, because of
the Spirit of the
Lord Omnipotent, which
has wrought a mighty
change in us,
or in our hearts,
that we have
no more disposition
to do evil,
but t o do
good continually.”
(Mosiah 5:2).
Again, a great promise
that if we’ll persist, we’ll be able to finally have that
gift given to us to not be attracted to sin.
“And
moreover, I would
desire that ye
should consider on
the blessed and
happy state of
those that keep
the commandments of
God. For behold,
they are blessed
in all things,
both temporal and
spiritual; and if
they hold out
faithful to the end
they are received
into heaven, that
thereby they may
dwell with God
in a state of
never-ending happiness.
O remember, remember
that these things
are true; for
the Lord God hath
spoken it.” (Mosiah
2:41.)
I bear testimony that
keeping the law of chastity is worth it. To keep the commandments is
worth it. You will be blessed both temporally and spiritually for
doing so. Then this last promise:
“Let
thy bowels also
be full of
charity towards all
men, and to
the household of
faith, and let
virtue garnish thy
thoughts unceasingly; then
shall thy confidence
wax strong in the
presence of God;
and the doctrine of
the priesthood shall
distil upon thy
soul as the
dews from heaven.
“The
Holy Ghost shall be
thy constant companion,
and thy scepter
an unchanging scepter
of righteousness and
truth; and thy
dominion shall be
an everlasting dominion,
and without compulsory
means it shall
flow unto thee
forever and ever.”
(D&C 121:45-46.)
I know of no greater joy
than to kneel at the altar in the House of the Lord with someone
worthy like you are, to know that you have kept yourself for them.
And then by inviting the Lord into your marriage by being married in
the temple, it becomes a marriage not just of two but of three. And
the Lord, with the Holy Spirit of Promise, seals it up in time such
that it can be a marriage that will last forever. There will also be
a d ay when I believe we will kneel at the altar of God and our works
and our very being will speak for itself whether or not we have kept
the world out of us, whether we have truly been pure and holy.
I pray with all my heart
that the Lord will bless each of us to have a greater commitment to
do what is right, to truly keep ourselves pure before the Lord. If we
do that, we will have added revelation and added peace come to us. We
will have direction come from the heavens.
I bear witness that if we
will keep the commandments and go forward and do these things, there
is no reason we will not end up exalted in the celestial
kingdom—because we will be as God is. May the Lord bless us to
be in control of ourselves, to know the Lord’s protection is
with us just through the veil, that He will provide a way for escape
when temptations come. May the Lord bless us to that end I humbly
pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.